This has been a difficult week for me.  It’s difficult dealing with the loss of a friend, and when it’s a friend that you consider a sister…and not just in the sense of the lifestyle but a true heart sister, it’s just that much harder.  My Master has been wonderful and supportive of me in this time; however, i miss having someone to talk too.  Someone that i can let my hair down with so to speak.  Just to be the unfiltered me.

I just miss her.  I feel as though I failed her in so many ways that i can’t even begin to count all of them.  I can’t help but think that if i had been a better friend she would not have run away from us, but too us.  However, i pushed to hard one too many times and she ran for good.  It wasn’t that we weren’t thinking of what was best for her, but that we didn’t give her the space to realize it herself.  Actually, i think she was realizing it, and didn’t know how to deal with it.  So many things had changed in her life that she wasn’t prepared to deal with the mixing of emotions that interacting with us caused.  So her fight of flight response went into effect and she flew.

It’s all just silly really.  Everything is, the twists and turns of life that just seem to pop up in everyone’s life.  Things we, for some odd reason, think are so important; when in actuality, they don’t mean shit. The need to defend or be defended, from what? to who? and for God’s sake why?  Does it matter should it matter?  I guess it all depends on the situation, but i’m tired.

I have one sister left and I hope that one day we can rebuild the friendship we once had.  She is the only family besides Master that I have now, and even if the situation were different we would still need to fix our issues for the betterment of our Master’s life.  **I think His supply of Ibuprofen maybe running low.**  It would be nice to once again talk with someone where with whom I can just be me.  The lack of being able to do that has made the loss of my friend so much more cutting than it may have been otherwise.  I hope that one day I can have a friendship as strong with my remaining sister.