my journey

I can’t tell you how many times a day I find myself touching my collar. It’s a habit now, good or bad, well…I think it’s a good thing. Whenever I am stressed, I find that I have my hand on my collar. It comforts me and reminds me of Master. And when I think about it, my collar is a lot like Master. I love to feel its weight upon me; it’s strong and secure; yet flexible as needed. It has its hard places, but it has its soft ones too. I love to feel it wrapped around me, just as I love to be wrapped up in Master. I never really thought about how similar it they were until today, but the more I think about my collar the more I realize how deeply I am His. So for me, my collar is more than a symbol of my submission to my Master, it is a representation of Master Himself. My strength, security, restraint, and my comfort, my Master is all these things and so much more.

http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/2008/10/nipple-clamps.html

Nipple clamps are a wonderful way to enhance a sexual encounter. There are many forms that people turn to. In my previous post, I mentioned one of the simplest and least expensive; the clothespin.

The sensitivity of one’s nipple varies from person-to-person. Some really love the feeling of having them “crushed” under the pressure of the clamp. Others are not so fond of this activity. It is important to experiment with your one to see where the limits fall.

If you enter any sex shop, you will find many different types of clamps available. If there is a BDSM section, the selection will be rather large. There are tweezer, Japanese clover, and forcep clamps. Not only are these available, but some have chains attached for increase pleasure. This offers the ability to lead him or her around via the clamps or connect to a collar. The choice you make will depend a great deal on your budget.

Spending a lot of money on clamps is not necessary. The clothespin offers an excellent example. You can also use hair pins or clips used on potato chip bags. These items are available at the local Dollar Store. In fact, most people have them laying around the house.

A final option is to head to your local home building center. Outside of the sex shop, this is a favorite of BDSMer. For clamps, there are a variety to choose from. If you are into extreme, alligator clamps found in the electrical section are inexpensive. One can also go for the vice clamps in the hardware section.

As you can see, there are lots of choices with nipple clamps. Whichever you choose, the idea is to stimulate the nipple so that it stands out proudly. Attach the clamp to it providing some pain for a short period of time. Once the nipple numbs up, you will be able to experiment in your play. For me, I find great pleasure in the removal of the clamps since the blood rushing back in causes a second way of pain (this is especially true with the alligator clamps).

A final note, remember not to leave the clamps on for too long. When participating in BDSM, it is critical to not cut off the blood flow to any part of the body for an extended period of time. This could result in injury.

reprinted with permission

http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/2008/10/nipple-clamps.html

Okay so I have to admit that I am not one that enjoys paddling. I know that it goes with the territory of being a slave and that it’s part on my life now, but it still terrifies me. I have spent the last few weeks trying to think about it in a different way, in a more sexual way, and thought that I had made enough progress in my head to handle it.

I was wrong. What’s worse is that so far Master has only been playing and not doing anything serious, just a swat or two and that’s all. Now, I will say that about the only thing enjoyable about the whole thing is the mischievous glint in Master’s eye. I just wish I could get that look without a smack on the ass about to happen. I know that it’s going to happen I am just having a difficult time with finding a way that I can accept it. Well, I shouldn’t say accept it because I do accept it; I just don’t like it. It brings up WAY too many memories from my past, and even though I have tried to separate the past from the present sometimes that’s just not possible. I can do well for a bit; but when it’s time to sleep memories surface and torment me.

Now, nightmares and anxiety is nothing new for me; as a matter of fact, I have a “good” night’s sleep about twice a week. And that’s a good week; I think good needs to be better defined…lol. Anyway, I haven’t slept very well in a couple of days, and I don’t know exactly how to proceed with getting my head in the best place. Although a part of me would just like to run and hide from the spanking, pain thing, there is the larger part that wants desperately to please my Master, and I know the the pain spanking thing in a significant part of that. But I wonder if I can ever get my head to not go to the past when it happens and handling it from there. And once that train of thought enters my head then on top of old memories, I get anxiety attacks over the present.

Now, logically, I know that **okay probably shouldn’t say know, but fairly confident** that I wouldn’t be released because I just couldn’t handle it, but the illogical part of me runs that through my head over and over. Don’t you just hate it when your mind goes over and over things like that? It’s just not right.

So anyway, for today, I’m trying to breathe, and remember that it’s a process and we are only at the beginning. And boy, do I have a long way to go.

Daily we have issues and problems that are beyond our control. We are told to stand up and fight back. But what is this “thing” we are suppose to be fighting. It’s an entity that there is no really fighting. A one-sided struggle in which there is no winner. It’s a battle within ourselves that we fight. This struggle can lead to an overwhelming internal battle. This battle for me at times is intense and since it lacks an outward focus, I generally internalize everything. So why when I don’t like my life being so out of control, do I crave to give up what little control that I do have? I don’t really know but here are a few of my thoughts that come to mind.

I love being tied up. I think, don’t know, but think that it’s the ability to feel and struggle against an outside entity..ie the rope…which focuses my internal battle on an outward object in a safe manner that doesn’t harm anyone…least of all me. I think that it’s also the one time where it’s not so such giving up control, but giving into the fact that there is no control. It’s an illusion of the mind, and by letting go of that illusion if only for a time allows for the release of all the pent up emotions that have been internalized in that illusion of having things under control. I don’t know if that makes any sense but it’s just my thoughts.

And as I struggle with my own thoughts, emotions, and issues in my life and the more out of control that I feel the more that I crave that time when I am able to give into it and release everything. To let go of all illusions, and let’s face it…it’s a release in more than one way.