Sleep is a Good Thing

Sleep is a good thing.  For those that know me, they know that i don’t sleep well. Usually it’s only a few hours a night and most of that is spent tossing and turning.  i’ve started taking meds for my anxiety and that’s helped somewhat over the last month or so, but i was still having trouble falling asleep so on my last doctor visit the doctor prescribed some sleeping meds.

Needless to say, i’ve had two nights in a row of blessed sleep. i can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to wake up rested…actually rested.  So often i wake more tired and worn out than when i went to bed in the first place, but this morning i woke…rested and refreshed.

The majority of my anxiety happens at night, when for the life of me i just can’t get my brain to turn off.  Thoughts and fears run amok playing havoc with my brain.  It probably wouldn’t be so bad if my brain didn’t go over all the negative things that have or could happen.

As another wonderful bonus, the meds have a muscle relaxer in them, and my back doesn’t hurt in the morning.  Yea..me!!!

So things are looking up…i’m starting to feel better. my emotions are getting under control, anxieties under some measure of check, and i’m getting some real rest.  Hopefully, this is the time for everything to start turning around in my life for the positive.  one can only hope.

 

The Way It Is

Everybody wants an easy ride
On the merry-go-round that we call life
Take your drive on cruise control
Then you wait to find out it’s a winding road
I had my dreams in view
When the money ran out and the engine blew

Hung my tears out to dry
Then my dreams fell out of that clear blue sky
And I, I was walkin’ the clouds
Feelin’ so safe and sound
Then somethin’ else knocks me down

Well, Oh, That’s the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
That’s the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
You live you learn
You crash and burn
It’s hit or miss
And that’s the way it is

One fine day you wake up
Completely, hoplessly fallen in love
He’s just what you’re lookin’ for
The only problem is, that the man’s not sure
Another guy’ll give you everything

The only problem is you don’t feel a thing
Well I know from expirence
Nothin’s ever gonna make perfect sense
Oh, one day you get what you want
But it’s not what you think
Then you get what you need

Well, Oh, That’s the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
That’s the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
You live you learn
You crash and burn
It’s hit or miss
And that’s the way it is

Yeah they say your soul is growin’
But sometimes I feel like throwin’ somethin’

Well, Oh, That’s the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
That’s the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
Well, That’s the way it is
You gotta roll with the punches
That’s the way it goes
You gotta bend when the wind blows
You live you learn
You crash and burn
It’s hit or miss
And that’s the way it is

 

One Light Burning

All alone in the dark
No walls or windows
Trying hard to define
Heaven from hell
Standing out in the rain
With just one shadow
Nothing to see or believe
Beyond myself
See my life going by
Each moment I am alive
I keep reaching out, holding on, hoping
Somewhere in my life
There’s one light burning
I feel it like my heart beating inside
Somewhere in the night
There’s one light burning
All alone with my fears
No words are spoken
A story yet to be told
Locked in my mind
Hope is somewhere ahead
Shining brightly
But the past is always following close behind
See my life going by, each moment I am alive
I keep reaching out, holding on, hoping
Somewhere in my life
There’s one light burning
I feel it like my heart beating inside
Somewhere in the night
There’s one light burning
Somewhere in my life
There’s one light burning
I feel it like my heart beating inside
Somewhere in the night
There’s one light burning
Leading the way, leading the way

 

i need You

 

I Believe

 

Magic Dance

Today was a good day, hanging out with friends watching a movie.  i dare you to watch labyrinth and not smile and laugh at some point. This movie always brings a smile to my face and is a movie i watched often as a young girl. lol, i even had a stuffed bear named after bluto.

it was a good day to dance around the living room like a fool, laugh and play with my boys and just relax.  it rejuvenated my spirits a bit as i was able to just focus on my boys and goofing off with them.  *For some reason they get a kick out of mom acting like a fool and it was great to hear them laugh.*  Now it’s about time to get the vacuum out and clean up the popcorn mess from the popcorn fight.

Today was one of those days that i know i’m going to look back on with a fond smile on my face.

 

Space Cadet

Yeah, i got to play space cadet today.  lol, i went to the Kennedy Space Center, not sub space..although that would have been grand too.  i remember growing up as a child wanting to be an astronaut and telling everyone that would listen that i was already well ahead of the game, cause everyone said i was a space case. Okay, i realize that sounds corny now, but as a joke from a six year old it was pretty funny.

i remember the day that Challenger blew up, and i remember the day that Columbia disappeared. Both had a strong impact on me and i know that i will remember the day of the final shuttle mission.

It was wonderful to watch my children look at everything with awe and wonder.  Watching the world expand before their eyes was one of those experiences that i will keep with in my heart for a long time.  mmmm, my oldest now cant decide if he wants to be a fighter fighter or an astronaut.  Both are noble professions and i know he would be great at either.  Thank goodness he likes school and is good at math.

it was a good outing for us and i enjoyed myself immensely, although i’m very tired now.

 

Disaster

Everything this is so messed up right now i can even begin to deal with it all.  Between my housing situation, kids, the ex, and the fact that my personal relationship exploded…and dealing with friendly explosions too, i have no idea what in the world i’m doing anymore.

i am trying to do the right thing by everyone, but i dont know what the right thing is anymore.  Somehow it’s all very confusing.

Part of me wants to run very very far and the other wants nothing more than to run to my Master and be wrapped in His arms until everything is okay again.

But i dont know where to run or what to do.  i have so many telling me too many different things.

i’m terrified i admit it.  Everything is scaring the daylights out of me, which i know is not logical but at this point there isnt much that is being logical at the moment.  i have to go to a doctor appointment this afternoon and i’m scared to leave the house…what in the world is up with that???

well, i dont have the luxury of being that scared.  i have to take care of me and mine.  Now, just how to do that i dont know.

 

My Little Imp

i came a across this photo and it SO reminds me of my little imp.  At 5, he can wrap just about anyone around his little fingers.  He is the most troublesome and yet sweetest boys you will ever meet and is entirely to bright for my own good.

But there is nothing like being awoken at 5am with the little imp crawling into my bed and giving me a huge hug all the while asking if i’m awake yet.  Then once it’s been established that yes indeed i am awake.  “mommy i love you….can i have a cereal bar?”  The little imp LIVES on cereal bars.  i think he could go through an entire box a day.

So as you can see, that picture is pretty much the essence of my little monster child, whom i love dearly.

 

Other People’s Stuff

Today was blessedly filled with other people’s stuff today.  A phone call and i was off running around doing and helping a friend with the things she needed to get done, and in turn she was helping me by keeping me busy and distracted from things that i just didnt want to deal with yet.  We went and even had time for a nice lunch.  *i think i’m still stuffed, so much for my fast but hey it was Chinese and she paid.*

Downside to having a full afternoon; i didnt get a darn thing done with the living room and it’s still tore all up. i’ll have to work on it tonight or well tomorrow.  i’m really tired today, which is sort of odd as i actually slept last night.  So i’m probably going to call it an early night and just try to relax and not think.

Thinking…that’s something i’ve been doing WAY to much of.  And i dont like the thoughts that i’ve been having.  i’m conflicted and not sure what is the right thing to do.  To continue down the path that i’ve taken, or to turn around and go back to what was.  i wish i could look into a crystal ball and know which way to go, but alas, i cant.  i can only hope, pray and trust that i’m doing the right thing.