Reflection

i think it’s important to always remember that we are a reflection of our Masters both online and off.  One should always think about how their words and actions reflect upon their Master.  i had the unfortunate experience recently of watching a slave be complete rude to an entire group of people, so much so that i had to wonder why she chose to be there.  She was not only being a poor reflection upon her Master but with the group she was with as well.  Then there is the rude behavior the flourishes online.  This behavior is often disguised and well “i’m just telling it like it is”.   i firmly believe in conveying one’s experiences especially when they differ from others as it gives a more broad view of the lifestyle and people can see just how different every relationship is from another; however, there is a tactful way to do so which is informative and non-confrontational.  Which do you think is a better reflection?

Another important thing to keep in mind when reading blogs around the net is the fact that they to are aware of the fact that their posts are also a reflection upon their Master.  It’s only natural for them to reflect their Master’s in a positive light.  Their words *including my own from time to time* sing the glowing praises of our Masters.   So i tend to focus on the good parts of our relationship, and not the frustrating ones.  While those in blog land might want to hear about the times that Master frustrates me so much i’d love to just shake Him; i don’t think that airing that ‘dirty laundry’ is appropriate or a good reflections.  That and there are many times when words written in frustration can and do cause more harm than good.

 

Direction Of The Relationship

http://dennisnajee.wordpress.com/2008/08/21/direction-of-the-relationship/

A Master needs to have the inner strength to take control of the relationship while steering it in the direction that He wants it to go. Too many fail to take the responsibility associated with being a Master seriously. Leadership does have it’s price.

Most newbies are enamored with the idea of being in control. To have one do whatever He says is a fantasy. However, like all fantasies, reality tends to be a little different. The BDSM world is a great deal more than just whips and chains. The deeper that people get into the lifestyle, the more responsibility that comes along. This is magnified when a relationship is established.

What One’s responsibility? It starts with safety. This needs to be foremost one a Master/Dom’s mind. Even while He is enjoying the pleasure of a scene, it is up to Him to determine if things are proceeding safely or not. Many do not like to hear that if one is hurt, He is the One who is at fault. It is just too easy to want the control without the responsibility. Unfortunately, that is a fantasy and not how reality works.

 

A Night At The Farmhouse

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
“I could let you sleep with my daughter,” the farmer said, “if you promise not to bother her.”
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer’s daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
“It’ll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed,” the farmer said.
“Your daughter was very cold,” the salesman said.
“Yes, I know,” said the farmer. “We’re going to bury her today.”

 

The Facts Of Life

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?”
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams…and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: “So what did you want to know about sex for?”
“Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

 

Ever The Opportunist

One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”
Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear “Do you have a dentist appointment, too?”

 

The Yin and Yang of the M/s relationship

http://dennisnajee.wordpress.com/2008/04/25/the-yin-and-yang-of-the-ms-relationship/

Nature is one of balance.  Everything has its counterpart which allows for the natural flow of things.  For every yin, there is a yang.

The M/s relationship falls into this category.  We often refer to the power exchange as the basis of these relationships.  But, we also notice that each person compliments the other.  Individuals in this lifestyle tend to be at the far end of the spectrum.  We lean towards being absolute in terms of either domination or submissiveness.  The tendency to desire a split within ourselves is not common.

Each person in these relationships fulfills the other.  It is impossible to submit without having one to submit to.  Also, one cannot dominate unless there is someone to control.  When alone, each is an individual; when together there is fulfillment.

There is also a balance of power.  The total power exchange is done with the Western view of power-strength, aggression, and domination.  A submissive gives up this masculine form of power willingly.  However, she still retains the feminine power which includes adaptability, negotiation, and consensual submissiveness.  Goreans will recognize the two powers Norman described.  Each form of power lends itself to the fulfillment of the other.

Those of us in this lifestyle understand that it is not a one-sided relationship.  A slave who is not having her needs met will tend to wither and die (figuratively speaking).  Her value comes from her ability to serve her Master; it is also where her pleasure comes from.  Abusive Masters overlook this simple yet imperative concept.  The natural order of things necessitates both parts for success.

 

Unrealistic Expectations

http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/2008/08/unrealistic-expectations.html

Of late we have referred to some of the expectations that people have when entering a M/s relationship. It seems that many believe this type of relationship is the solution to all their problems. It is common to find a new person who is truly submissive (or dominant) take to this lifestyle immediately. Years of failure in traditional relationships left them with a void. Finding the M/s way of life is like a homecoming to them. They realize where they belong.

However, as we have mentioned on a number of occasions, life does happen. All that others need to deal with arise in our lives. While the M/s foundation affects all areas of our existence, it is not the only area where we operate in. Everyday responsibilities must be attended to. Failure to acknowledge this is setting oneself up for disappointment.

A great deal of what we experience in any situation is directly tied to the expectations we have entering it. What are your expectations with your M/s relationship? Do you believe this is the solution to all your problems? If so, you might want to reconsider that idea. The same problems that one enters into this lifestyle with will still be prevalent after submitting. Life issues continue to exist. This cannot be stressed enough.

Having someone else involved in your life can help you to overcome certain difficulties. By submitting, many of the decisions are taken away from you. This can be a blessing if one is bad at making decisions. Financial circumstances can change since there is someone else helping with the bills. However, just because one submitted does not necessarily mean that all problems go away. To expect this is completely out of touch with reality.

To have a successful M/s relationship, and to avoid future disappointment, it is necessary to enter with a realistic idea of what will happen. This lifestyle does not solve all of one’s problems. It is a way of living which allows us to be true to our nature. We develop a manner of interacting with another which is based in a methodology which works for us. It is understood that the person we are dealing with is human and will make mistakes. We resist the temptation to put him or her on a pedestal.

A M/s relationship can be one of the most fulfilling interactions one ever had. To be successful at it, there is a lot of effort required by both parties. Remember this when you suddenly realize that this lifestyle did not magically solve all your problems. In fact, different problems will arise because you entered this relationship. Accepting that as the reality will better prepare one to handle the unenviable situations when they arise.

 

Doggy Style Variations

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one.
“Well, not exactly.” his friend replied, “she’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”
“Well, not exactly – I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”

 

Limits

http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/2008/08/limits.html

I recently read something on line which peaked my interest. This particular individual believed that a slave had no limites; not if she was a true slave. This statement made me stand back and think. I was perplexed how someone could come to that conclusion. It made me re-evaluate what I believed on this matter.

Does a true slave have limits? Her desire is to serve her Master fully. Along the same lines, her place is to do whatever her Master desires. Once she submits, her life is no longer her own. With this reasoning, and up to this point, I can see how the above belief is correct.

However, there seems to be one fact that this individual was missing. A slaves place is to do whatever her Master desires if she is capable. This addition changes the situation a great deal. A slave might not be able to perform certain tasks. Of course, if it is something that she requires some training, then it might be an activity which she can learn. Yet, there are certain things that one might not be able to do no matter what her willingness. A Master needs to be aware of these.

Here are some examples slaves might have a tough time fulfilling if requested: dunking a basketball, performing brain surgery, rebuilding a car engine, solving mathematical equations, or translating an ancient text written in arabic. Even those her willingness might be complete, there are challenges which might not be overcome. Simply, the knowledge base isn’t there.

Here is another situation which is more applicable. Often a Master will ask a slave to perform some sexual activities which she is physically unable to do. An individual with a back issue comes to mind. Again, the person might have all the desire to do what her Master wants. However, physical limitations can exist. For a Master to push her past this is irresponsible and potentially dangerous. This is one of those situations where a Master needs to know to pull back.

So, a slave can and will have limitations. Even thought she exchange all her power, her trust is that her Master will act responsibly. One of the roles of a Master is to help her uncover her limits, try to push past them, and pull back when she cannot go further.

 

The Reality Of Real Time

The Reality Of Real Time

http://dennisnajee.wordpress.com/2008/08/07/the-reality-of-real-time/

Many come into this lifestyle by getting involved with someone online.  The Internet has allowed for communication and interaction with others worldwide.  A drawback to this wide communication network is that we have lost a lot of the one-on-one interaction.  This is seen in the BDSM arena where people have “online relationships” which they mistake for being the real thing.

Let us start by saying that an online BDSM relationship is not the same as a “real/time” relationship.  They are two completely different worlds.  Too many mistakenly believe that the later will be the same as the online was.  Sadly, this is not the truth.  Online tends to glamorize the relationships.  It is when one makes the switch to real/time that reality hits her squarely in the face.  In this instance, she often wonders what happened to the wonderful relationship that she had.

Often a sub/slave is asked to do things when online which are a test to see her level of commitment.  Of course, without being there, a Dom/Master has no way of knowing if the task was accomplsihed (in many instances).  It is left to the word of the sub/slave.  Many times she will agree to something knowing that she is not going to do it.  When living online, she can get away with this.

The same cannot be said for reality.  When she is with her Dom/Master, he will know if something is not complete.  In these instances, He probably will opt for some form of punishment.  Again, online punishments are a lot different then real world.  Some of the actions which might result:

-she might be told to hold off pissing for a few hours (one of my personal favorites)

-she might have to sleep on the floor for a certain length of time.

-her meals may be served in a dog dish

-her residence may be a cage for a day or so

-she may find that orgasms are prohibited for a few weeks (or longer)

-or she could find that she is ignored for a long period of time while her Dom/Master lavishes attention on another.

These are just a few of the options that One might choose.  The point is that real/time is vastly different than online.  For many online, it really is a fantasy game to them.  They are not serious about the lifestyle.  I believe this is why they resist when it comes time to transition to the real world.  Their intention was simply to play for a while.  The dedication that is necessary to be successful in a real relationship is too much for many to handle.  Yet they often believe what they are engaging in is real.  Sadly for those who are in this situation, it is not.