Earlier today I had an eye opening experience. I never understood why someone disliked me so much and now I can see it. The perception that she has is entirely wrong and I have no way to convince her otherwise. I wish that I did; however, my words will never be enough. My only ally is time and care. Time, because in time all things work themselves out in one way or another and since I am not going anywhere. I shall be steady and sure. Care, because I must always be mindful of my actions and interactions with others. I must take care because there are people who wish to see me fail. Fortunately, Master is aware of everything, although maybe not with the venom that is truly surrounding it. But He is there to remind me that it is only His opinion that matters and it is only Him that I am to please. It matters not what is said about me by the other slaves. What they think is not of my concern, however, I can’t help but feel the pang of regret that someone who I once considered a valued friend has been eaten away by jealousy and resentment that was not mine to cause nor actually there in the first place. It is the perception of the mind where SHE places one above the other when in reality we are all the same our only differences are in the areas in which we serve Master.
It is a relief to actually know why I am disliked, even if there is no way for me to fix the problem. It is beyond my control to rearrange the heavens and earth to make it possible for her to move near Master, if I could I would. And that would at least eliminate one of her arguments. But alas, I cannot and I must be mindful and watchful, which I hate but it is necessary and a wise thing to do.
Okay i didnt sleep last night at all; i just couldnt get my mind to turn off no matter what. Sometimes my thoughts arent the best and i know everything i was thinking is not things that i should be, but alas i was. Doubts circling around my head on whether this is a road i still want to travel down. Dont get me wrong this can be a wonderful life, and i have a wonderful Master, but i’m not sure it’s right for me. There are other things and people involved in this dynamic that make it impossible to breathe and i’m slowly suffocating.
RSS - Posts